


Defending In Suspense

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Dominance |-/ Submission [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Aftercare, Gen, M/M, Platonic Dominance/submission, Platonic Romance, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4650600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler almost wishes they fucked. It would make the whole kneeling thing easier. He could just classify it as kinky sex and wash his hands of it, but instead he's trapped in a weird limbo somewhere between friends and lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defending In Suspense

**Author's Note:**

> This is an intro to a series I've had stewing in my brain for awhile. As of right now I have no intention of it becoming romantic, mostly because I am really interested in writing something that emphasizes how great and intense platonic bonds can be. Title taken from Migraine by twenty one pilots. I'm debating whether or not to go for a magical realism thing and add Blurryface but I guess we'll see.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com/)

 

It takes Tyler a year to admit that he needs help. It's not dire, but the bigger their band gets, the more people that like their music, the more Tyler feels like he's going to shake out of his skin. Josh figures out something's wrong and forces Tyler to put his anxiety into words. His solution once Tyler explains is...odd.

Before shows, he makes Tyler kneel for him. It's simple, just Tyler down on his knees between Josh's skinny legs with his face resting against Josh's bony knee. Josh stays perfectly still, a stark contrast to Tyler's natural state of shaking and trembling, his constant shifting in a sorry attempt to burn off the anxious energy. He's still not sure how sitting still with Josh burns away the choking anxiety. But really, he doesn't need to know _why_ it works, it just _has_ to.

They learn, now that they're paying attention, that Tyler crashes hard after a show so Josh starts pushing him down to the floor until Tyler's head is quiet again then too.

If Tyler is being honest with himself, the whole arrangement terrifies him. Sharing his music with Josh the first time had been scary. Exposing his insecurities to crowds of strangers night after night was scary. Putting himself at Josh's feet and trusting him to tether Tyler back to the real world without taking advantage of Tyler's quiet vulnerability? That's fucking terrifying. Of course, it doesn't feel that way in the moment. When it's happening, Tyler can barely process his thoughts. Emotions are completely out of reach.

So, the kneeling helps for the shows, but it leaves him unsettled and off-balanced during all the in between bits. Josh notices that too. Tyler expects anger or ridicule. He knows he's hard to deal with. He knows his issues are difficult to navigate, his need for silence tricky to accommodate, his constant triple-checking everything draining precious time, so the only reaction he could ever expect is anger or, even worse, dismissal. Not dismissal from the band of course, but emotional dismissal from Josh of all people would destroy him.    

But Josh...he just adjusts and adds another ritual. Before shows, he applies Tyler's make up, fingers rough and calloused over Tyler's hands and neck. Then Tyler kneels for him and after the show he kneels again. Just before they go to bed in their bunks and hit the road, Josh crowds him into the bus bathroom and removes the fading black paint with a wet cloth. Somewhere between the kneeling and the real world, Tyler's anxiety gets erased with the paint. It's a transition time and by the time Josh hangs up the wet cloth, Tyler feels settled but present and back in his body, the float-y feeling the kneeling gives him nowhere to be found.

Tyler doesn't know how to express his gratitude for Josh's patience.

It's not until he realizes Josh needs the ritual just as much as he does that the guilt of how needy he is leaves. Josh usually doesn't touch Tyler when he's kneeling, but after a particularly rough show where nothing had gone right, Josh twists his hand tight in Tyler's short hair. He doesn't let Tyler move a fucking inch and it _hurts_ but...God he wants to be good. He wants to do for Josh what Josh always does for him.

Josh almost rubs Tyler's hands raw when he's getting rid of the paint. Tyler doesn't mind because it feels like he's taking in all of Josh's negative feelings in the process and that's something he likes to be good at. He can take on everyone's pain if it means he doesn't have to think about his own.

Afterwards, Josh crams himself into Tyler's bunk. In no time, their skin is sweaty and stuck together but Tyler can't bring himself to care because Josh is holding him and tracing shapes into the back of his neck with careful fingers. It's the most vulnerable Josh has ever felt to Tyler.

The longer it goes on, the more Tyler realizes he loves Josh. He knows it deep in his bones, a fact he's certain of no matter how much their lives shift and change. The only thing he's unsure of is whether or not it's platonic. What he shares with Josh in those times before and after shows feels so intense, so raw, Tyler doesn't know if he could honestly say that they're just friends. It feels like more and yet the idea of being romantically involved with Josh seems _wrong_.

Tyler almost wishes they fucked. It would make the whole kneeling thing easier. He could just classify it as kinky sex and wash his hands of it, but instead he's trapped in a weird limbo somewhere between friends and lovers. It's a painful sort of intimacy that fills an aching hole in his chest. He just can't name it. He has no label for what they are but he can't imagine anything different.


End file.
